WASHINGTON– CNN has reported that Democratic nominee Joe Biden has officially won the 2020 presidential election with a staggering 900 gazillion jillion votes so far, which is more than every political world leader in history combined.
With votes still being counted across the country, Biden is predicted to possibly surpass the 6.9 gazillion jillion zillion mark by the end of the day, which will give him the edge over the world’s first politician God’s 6.2 gazillion jillion zillion amount.
With approximately 350,000,000 people in the United States and over 900 gazillion jillion votes being counted so far, there’s no telling just how many ballots will be legitimately found for the now world’s most popular politician of all time.
Biden gave a pre-acceptance victory speech on Monday just in case he wasn’t still around after Election Day and thanked America’s 350,000,000 voters for giving him the approximately 900,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 votes needed to defeat President Donald Trump’s paltry 13 votes to win the presidency.
“Listen, fat, here’s the deal,” Biden said eloquently to the world in his prerecorded victory speech. “It was a close race, but Trump must concede because our honest and fair election process, uh, well, you know the thing. C’mon, man, if you didn’t vote for me then you weren’t black.”
CNN’s Reliable Sources host Brian Stelter urged Trump to respect the integrity of the voting process and to stop accusing the Democrats of trying to steal the election with unsubstantiated Russian propaganda, such as hours of video showing random people dumping off millions of Biden ballots inside suitcases during the middle of the night.
“The American people have spoken and former President Trump must concede now,” Stelter said shamelessly as his staffers dropped off a dozen more cases of ballots for Biden. “This is just a pathetic attempt by the former Trump administration to hold onto power by doubting the legitimacy of an honest election. Why would anyone doubt that a man as popular, energetic, and with such huge rallies as President Biden not have won by such a huge margin?”
House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (D-Calif) told reporters that Russian operatives are trying to delegitimize the integrity of the election by claiming that having more votes than registered voters signifies some type of fraudulent activity.
“Anyone who questions the legitimacy of our election is a Russian asset, case closed,” Schiff said honestly, disproving all the voter fraud accusations.
