PUNXSUTAWNEY, PENNSYLVANIA– Famed celebrity COVID Virus emerged from its burrow early this morning and saw its shadow, thus declaring there would be another six weeks of mainstream media fearmongering propaganda.
COVID’s handler Dr. Anthony Fauci woke up the spiky virus around 7:30 a.m. to see whether the Wuhan-produced creation would see its shadow, hoping to give leftwing news outlets another six weeks to scare people into taking the totally safe lethal injection shots.
“I know it feels like we’ve all been living the same day over and over again for the last two years with this virus,” said Dr. Fauci with a smirk, joking about everyone suffering from the pandemic. “Today’s Groundhog Day has given us hope that the COVID Virus will be here to stay, keeping the news cycle unbroken.”
After letting all the children in the crowd pet the COVID Virus, Fauci then informed all the youngsters that they’re now going to die a horrible, painful death unless they go get vaccinated with nineteen shots and thirty boosters.
Groundhog Day is a popular tradition that is usually carried out by a famous groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil, but Phil was unable to perform his duties this year due to passing away last week from myocarditis only three days after getting his sixth booster shot to protect him from COVID.
Authorities are looking into whether COVID intentionally murdered Phil as a way to take over his spot as America’s most famous groundhog.