SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– In an effort to combat the widespread problem of homeless people pooping all over the streets of California, Gavin Newsom has signed a new executive order mandating the homeless population wear diapers at all times in a directive the governor has named “Poopy Pants For Poor People.”
“It’s time to put a cap on that crap,” said Newsom giddily as he signed the executive order to the cheers of his constituents. “Starting this week, all homeless bums will be issued their very own diaper that they must wear at all times or they’ll face serious consequences, such as being rounded up and taken to a local hotel and given free food, room and board. And we all know those vagabonds don’t want that.”
Newsom specified that, due to budget restraints, each homeless person will only be given one diaper that they must empty out and wash at the end of the day to reuse. Homeless families will be given one very large diaper that they all must share together.
Democrats praised Newsom’s proactive approach at finally tackling the homeless poop epidemic and lambasted Republicans for saying that the executive order should allocate at least two diapers per person just in case a vagrant has a bad case of diarrhea or wants to trade one of the diapers for much-needed drugs.
The governor said he also plans to address the exorbitant high taxes in the state with another executive order that will raise California citizen’s taxes to help fix the problem.
That stinks.