WASHINGTON– In response to Democrat presidential candidate RFK Jr. releasing a video of himself bench pressing on Muscle Beach, Joe Biden uploaded his own video showing the president walking a whole two feet before falling face-first into the White House lawn.
Sources said Biden was not impressed by the muscular physique of his main Democratic rival Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and told Secret Service to get out of the way so he could record a video of himself being even more manly than everyone else.
“Roll the cameras, boys, and watch a real man show RFKGB Jr. how it’s done,” said Biden as he limbered up his frail body for about ten minutes first. “Just give me a minute, Jack, I got a massive cramp in my leg from chasing a cute little girl in the shower this morning.”
Reluctant Secret Service agents recorded Biden as he growled and snarled in preparation to walk really, really slow across the dangerous landscape of the White House lawn, ready to show everyone that he too can perform feats of strength just like RFK Jr.
“Whomever gets to the showers last is a rotten egg,” said Biden only seconds before hitting the dirt. “There, you see that, Jack. Looks like I showed that other guy Robert Trump, um, RJKKK, uh you know the thing, that I’m still the alpha male. I bet my opponent can’t sniff a girl’s hair while rubbing her shoulders and crapping his diaper all at the same time.”
When reached for comment, Donald Trump said he wasn’t impressed with either Joe Biden or RFK Jr.’s physiques and will be showing them both up by releasing a new NFT card with his head photoshopped onto RFK Jr.’s body.
