U.S. — With the April 15 tax deadline looming, millions of Americans spent the final hours of Tax Day frantically filling out their tax returns and claiming Ukraine, Somalis, Israel, and illegal aliens as dependents and whoever else appears to be on the national tab as dependents.
Tax experts confirmed that while the IRS does not technically allow citizens to list entire foreign nations, refugee populations, or border crossers as qualifying dependents, the agency has so far issued no official guidance discouraging the practice, which many filers say just feels right at this point.
“Look, I work two jobs, my rent went up 28 percent this year, and my grocery bill could fund a small aircraft carrier,” said Dave Hargrove, who attached a handwritten addendum to his return listing “the entire country of Ukraine” under the dependent section. “If I’m paying for their housing, their healthcare, their weapons, and their whatever-the-hell-else, the least the government can do is let me write them off.”
According to preliminary IRS estimates, more than 14 million returns filed Tuesday included creative interpretations of the dependent credit, with some taxpayers claiming as many as 45 million undocumented immigrants at $2,000 apiece, the entire population of Somalia as a head of household, and both the Israeli Defense Forces and the Ukrainian Ministry of Defense as qualifying children under 17.
At press time, millions of Americans were reportedly expressing frustration after discovering that despite successfully claiming half the globe as financial dependents, their returns were still being garnished to pay for a newly approved fleet of $1 trillion fighter jets.
