WASHINGTON — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced Friday that his political apparatus would “pass over” any member of Congress who displays an Israeli flag outside his or her office, prompting hundreds of lawmakers to immediately decorate their doors in an effort to ensure they remain in his good graces.
Speaking before a high-level caucus of House and Senate leaders, Netanyahu reassured lawmakers that as long as the blue-and-white emblem is prominently displayed beside their office entrance, their campaign coffers will remain untouched by the impending wrath of targeted primary challenges.
“When the Angel of Super PAC Spending passes through the halls of the Congressional Office Building tonight, he shall look upon the doorposts and lintels of the faithful,” Netanyahu announced, holding up an architectural blueprint of the Capitol grounds. “And wherever he sees the sacred star correctly mounted beside the doorway, he shall spare your political career and grant your reelection campaign another cycle of life.”
The frantic display of loyalty came as AIPAC and its political network continue to advocate for pro-Israel policies in Congress, including support for U.S. security assistance to Israel and pro-Israel candidates from both parties.
Several nervous lawmakers also began practicing what they would say if Netanyahu stopped outside their offices.
“Israel is our greatest ally,” one representative could be heard rehearsing repeatedly in an empty hallway. “Israel is our greatest ally. Israel is our greatest ally.”
At press time, Netanyahu’s delegation confirmed that the hallway walk-through had concluded, noting that only two junior representatives failed to properly mark their doorposts, both of whom had already been replaced on the House floor by pre-selected primary challengers before the evening recess.
