Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating All Doctors Wear White Robes And Red Sashes
WASHINGTON—Citing a desperate need for clarity in the medical field, President Donald…
Unemployed Eric Swalwell Worried Wife’s Presence Might Make Midday Hooker Orgies Awkward
DUBLIN, CALIFORNIA — Following his abrupt resignation from Congress and disgraced exit…
Democrats Release Most Damning Eric Swalwell Video Yet Of Him Leaving Shopping Cart In Parking Lot
WASHINGTON — Calling it the most disturbing evidence to date of a…
Lindsey Graham Announces Reelection Campaign For Senator Of Israel
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — Standing before a sea of blue and white…
Criminals Accuse Other Criminals Of Being Criminals
WASHINGTON—Expressing feigned shock that a fellow member of the ruling class would…
Trump Orders Airstrikes On CNN Headquarters After Claiming Network Months Away From Developing Nuclear Weapons
WASHINGTON — In a stunning escalation of his long-running feud with the media,…
Gavin Newsom Appoints Gavin Newsom To Investigate Fraud Committed Under Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Following a relentless barrage of reports from pesky independent…
Trump Releases Official Limited-Edition Gold Nuclear Fallout Masks
WASHINGTON — As global tensions continue to rise over the escalating conflict…
Pam Bondi Reassigned As White House Easter Bunny In Lateral Move
WASHINGTON — Just weeks after being abruptly ousted from her position as the…
Congress Takes Break From Doing Nothing To Continue Doing Nothing For Easter
WASHINGTON — Exhausted from months of not doing anything productive, members of…
Nation’s Elite Pedophiles Send Fired Pam Bondi Tearful ‘Sorry To See You Go’ Card
WASHINGTON—Calling her the best friend the predator class has ever had, the…
