WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader John Thune sat down with reporters Tuesday to clarify rumors surrounding his increasingly complicated relationship with the SAVE Act, explaining that while he thinks the legislation is “a wonderful bill,” he is simply not ready to commit at this stage in his life.
“It’s not the SAVE Act, it’s me,” said John Thune, staring into the distance while thinking about unrelated spending bills. “The SAVE Act is amazing. Any Senate leader would be lucky to have it. I’m just in a place right now where I need to focus on myself. I really need to focus on my career right now.”
Sources close to the legislation say the SAVE Act was devastated by the announcement, having spent months under the impression that Thune was serious after receiving numerous affectionate statements about the importance of election integrity.
Despite millions of Republican voters, the House of Representatives, and President Donald Trump practically begging the Majority Leader to finally commit to a relationship with the highly popular election integrity bill, Thune insists that taking the relationship to the next level by actually making it the law of the land is “a massive step” that he just doesn’t have the energy for this legislative session.
“Things are just moving too fast,” added Thune.
At press time, Thune had reassured conservatives that he fully intended to settle down with the SAVE Act eventually, just as soon as he finished a few more years of “finding himself.”
