WASHINGTON– After damning evidence and undercover video surfaced showing the CIA purposely worked against then President Donald Trump as well as spied on Americans, the federal intelligence service was quick to report that they had thoroughly investigated themselves and found that they were completely innocent of any crimes.
“Due to the recent reports coming out that we have committed crimes,” said a CIA agent during a press conference, trying to hold back laughter. “We wanted to let the public know that we took swift action in response to all the allegations of impropriety. So, after an intense, thorough investigation into our own corruption, I mean, activities, the CIA is proud to announce that the CIA has done nothing wrong and we are innocent of all charges.”
The agent went on to say that it is absurd to think that the CIA has ever done anything wrong, illegal, or against the Constitution and said that this in-house investigation proves that.
“I hope we can finally put to rest any more accusations that we’re corrupt lawbreakers,” said the agent while they planned their next mission to overthrow another country’s government. “You have my word that we didn’t do any of things we’re being accused of, so that’s all the proof that you need that we didn’t do nothing.”
In addition to investigating themselves, the CIA also proved their innocence by submitting a letter of reference from the FBI who claimed that the boys at the Central Intelligence Agency are good guys who wouldn’t hurt a fly.
