Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…
Graham Platner Comes Forward To Accuse Graham Platner Of Sexual Assault
ELLSWORTH, MAINE — Calling it the most difficult decision of his life,…
Congress Introduces Bill Allowing Dead Lawmakers To Continue Voting Via Ouija Board
WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders hailed as a "common-sense modernization of government,"…
Newsom Announces 31% Crime Drop Was Verified By Auditors From ‘Quality Learing Center’
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In a press conference aimed at silencing right-wing critics,…
CDC Declares Chuck Schumer’s Fourth Of July BBQ A Public Health Emergency
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) elevated Senate…
Mayor Mamdani Executes Defiant Air Conditioner To Enforce Heatwave Edict
NEW YORK — Standing before a high-definition camera in front of City…
Mitch McConnell’s Office Insists Proof Of Life Photo Is Authentic
WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator's whereabouts…
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born At Disney World Are Intellectual Property Of Disney
WASHINGTON — In a devastating 5-4 decision that further entrenched the controversial "magic…
Trump Spends Afternoon Watching Migrants Fight In Steel Cage
WASHINGTON — Describing the event as a relaxing way to clear his…
Biden Elected President Of Retirement Home After 3 A.M. Ballot Dump Of 81 Million Votes
SUN CITY, FL—Residents of the Shady Acres Senior Living Community awoke Tuesday…
After SCOTUS Ruling, Clarence Thomas Revokes Amy Coney Barrett’s Conservative Card
WASHINGTON — Following her deciding vote in a 5-4 Supreme Court decision that…
Mamdani Vows To Defend Haitian Migrants’ Right To Backyard Cat Barbecues
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a defiant rebuke of the conservative…
