The Washington Post Claims Staying Alive And Not Dying Is Deeply Deathphobic
WASHINGTON-- The Washington Post has come out in defense of dead people everywhere by claiming that selfish people who remain alive and well are extremely deathphobic, also saying that if…
Arizona’s Katie Hobbs Takes Lead After Thousands Of Votes Found Inside John Fetterman’s Neck
PHOENIX, ARIZONA-- Maricopa County election officials made a startling discovery Thursday after finding thousands of ballots lodged inside the lump on Pennsylvania Senate winner John Fetterman's neck, with one hundred…
New York Criminals Relieved After Governor Kathy Hochul Wins Election
ALBANY, NEW YORK-- Criminals in New York have been breathing a sigh of relief after pro-crime Democrat Kathy Hochul beat out Republican Lee Zeldin in the state's very close gubernatorial…
Liberals Cheer Win, Saying John Fetterman Represents The Typical Democrat Voter
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- After John Fetterman very legitimately beat Dr. Oz in the race for Pennsylvania Senator without any fraud whatsoever, ecstatic liberals said that the newly elected Fetterman is the…
Big Bird Arrested For Peddling Medical Misinformation
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK-- Beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird was arrested this morning after the large, yellow bird was accused of peddling false information regarding the safety and efficacy of…
NBA Apologizes For Kyrie Irving Controversy By Hiring More Jewish Basketball Players
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- Due to the backlash caused by Brooklyn Nets basketball player Kyrie Irving sharing a link that some deemed anti-Semitic, the NBA has apologized profusely and has…
Democrats Ask For Election Fraud Amnesty Ahead Of Midterm Elections
WASHINGTON-- A large number of Democrat politicians have asked the American people for amnesty for the 2022 midterm elections that they are planning on stealing in only a few more…
Gay, Black, Immigrant, Female White House Press Secretary Fired For Not Being Diverse Enough
WASHINGTON-- The Biden administration has announced that they have fired White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre for not being diverse enough or having enough inclusive points, stating that they have…
Twitter Greatly Improves After Elon Musk Replaces Fired Workers With Chimpanzees
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- Immediately after Elon Musk fired a bunch of useless human workers and then hired chimpanzees in their place, the new Twitter owner said that the social media…
John Fetterman Hires Caveman To Help Improve His Public Speaking Abilities
BRADDOCK, PENNSYLVANIA-- After Republican Dr. Oz tweeted that he would like a second debate, John Fetterman's campaign manager quickly hired a caveman named Grog to help the Democratic Senate candidate…
Man Ostracized By Liberal Friends For Refusing To Get Ukraine Flag Tattoo On Forehead
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- A California man is being ostracized by his liberal friends for not having the flag of Ukraine tattooed across his face, with his former friends now claiming…
Democrats Pander To Dead People To Try And Win The Deceased Vote
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- With the presidential election only months away, frantic Democrats have been going from graveyard to graveyard pandering to potential dead voters in an effort to sway them to…
