ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA – Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz reportedly kissed his own brother during a press conference Thursday in an effort to demonstrate that there was nothing unusual about the controversy surrounding Rep. Ilhan Omar’s alleged marriage to her brother, insisting that Americans needed to stop making perfectly normal family relationships seem weird.
Standing onstage with his visibly uncomfortable brother, Governor Walz insisted that the outrage surrounding Omar’s domestic history was simply a misunderstanding by people who don’t understand basic family values.
“What’s the big deal?” said Tim Walz, before grabbing his startled brother firmly by both shoulders, pulling him into a tight embrace, and planting a full, lingering kiss directly on his lips while shoving a tongue into his mouth. “See? Totally normal. People need to get over this obsession with who everyone is related to. The media keeps trying to make this whole sibling marriage thing sound weird, but around here in Minnesota, we love our brothers.”
When reporters continued asking questions, Walz grew frustrated that his demonstration had failed to settle the matter, asking his brother if he would mind if they escalated the embrace by also grabbing each other’s buttocks.
At press time, Walz was reportedly planning a follow-up demonstration in which he would share a romantic candlelight dinner with his brother followed by an intimate couple’s bubble bath.
