Criminals Accuse Other Criminals Of Being Criminals
WASHINGTON—Expressing feigned shock that a fellow member of the ruling class would…
Trump Releases Official Limited-Edition Gold Nuclear Fallout Masks
WASHINGTON — As global tensions continue to rise over the escalating conflict…
UK Unveils New Culturally Sensitive Easter Bunny
LONDON, UK — In a move to promote inclusivity during the Easter…
Nation’s Elite Pedophiles Send Fired Pam Bondi Tearful ‘Sorry To See You Go’ Card
WASHINGTON—Calling her the best friend the predator class has ever had, the…
Eric Swalwell Claims He Couldn’t Have Slept With Fang Fang Because She’s A Woman
WASHINGTON — In a stunning new defense against allegations that he had…
Trump Tells American Children Iran Executed The Easter Bunny
WASHINGTON — In a solemn and deeply moving Easter week address, President…
Biden Volunteers For TSA Duty So He Can Legally Grope Women Again
WASHINGTON — Citing his deep commitment to public service, former President Joe…
Laid-Off TSA Agent Gets New Job Aggressively Patting Down Customers At Walmart Exit
PHOENIX, ARIZONA — Following recent federal budget cuts that left thousands of…
Japan Prime Minister Offers Severed Pinky After Refusing Trump’s Request For Warships
WASHINGTON—In what Japan described as a deeply meaningful gesture of respect, accountability,…
Oscars Add New Category For Best Performance Replacing White Character In Hollywood Remake
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Viewers tuning into Sunday night’s Academy Awards were…
Canadian Man Finally Reaches Front Of ER Line Just In Time For Autopsy
TORONTO, ONTARIO — After what Canada Health described as a triumph of administrative…
Lindsey Graham Wakes Up In Cold Sweat After Horrifying Nightmare Where He Had To Fight In One Of His Own Wars
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) awoke screaming in the early morning…