European Union Apologizes To Car-Ramming Terrorist For Dents Left In His Rental Vehicle By Civilians
BRUSSELS — In a globally televised press conference Sunday morning, top officials…
King Charles Assures Migrants Digital ID Will Only Be Used Against White British Citizens
LONDON, UK — Seeking to soothe the anxieties of the the millions…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while…
Arsonists Of America Endorse Karen Bass For L.A. Mayor
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Citing her inspiringly hands-off approach to combustion, the…
Local Canada Goose Disgusted Watching Immigrant Poop On Toronto Beach
TORONTO, ONTARIO — Staring in disgusted silence as an immigrant squatted and…
Gavin Newsom’s Tough Guy Photo Op Undermined By Extremely Gay Power Tool Stance
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Governor Gavin Newsom’s choreographed photo opportunity at a California…
Laid-Off Spirit Airlines Employee Finds Comforting, Familiar Threat Of Physical Violence At New Waffle House Job
ATLANTA, GEORGIA —Following the official permanent grounding of Spirit Airlines last week,…
Secret Service Replaces Range Targets With Photos Of Fellow Agents After Realizing It’s The Only Thing They Can Consistently Hit
WASHINGTON — Following a series of incidents in which multiple agents shot…
Democrats Condemn Shooter’s White Half For Trying To Assassinate Trump
WASHINGTON — Following the chaotic arrest of shooter Cole Allen, prominent Democratic…
CNN Accuses Trump Of Being ‘Aggressively Uncooperative’ For Refusing To Be Assassinated
WASHINGTON — In a blistering prime-time segment following Saturday night’s chaos at…
NAACP Concerned SPLC Fraud Case Could Lead To Catastrophic Shortage Of Profitable White Racism
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND — Holding an emergency press conference on Saturday, top NAACP…
Dogs And Cats Across Country Terrified After Congress Votes To Keep Haitian Immigrants On TPS
U.S. — A wave of unprecedented anxiety is sweeping through the nation…