Kash Patel Lures Eric Swalwell Out Of Hiding By Dressing As Chinese Prostitute
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — After weeks of struggling to locate former Rep.…
UK Solves Migrant Rape Epidemic By Declaring Entire Country A ‘Rape-Free Zone’
LONDON, UK — Following a shocking surge in violent crime and assaults…
Newsom Spotted Committing Crimes In Florida To Sabotage DeSantis’ Record-Low Crime Rate
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA — Florida authorities were reportedly baffled Wednesday after Governor Gavin…
Abdul El-Sayed Spotted Casually Trying On Several Tactical Vests
DEARBORN, MICHIGAN — Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was spotted at a…
Minnesota Weather Service Forecasts 90% Chance Of Mugging
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — The Minnesota Weather Service issued a statewide Mugging Advisory on…
Moderna Offers Free Tombstone To Anyone Getting New mRNA Flu Vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical giant Moderna announced Thursday that it is offering…
Fauci Bursts Into Flames After Catching Glimpse Of Healthy Unvaccinated Man
WASHINGTON — Panic erupted at the Capitol on Friday after a perfectly…
Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Making Steady Recovery From Being Dead
WASHINGTON — In an effort to dispel mounting conspiracy theories regarding the…
Nervous Fauci Calms Himself By Imagining Rand Paul As A Beagle Getting Bitten By Sandflies
WASHINGTON — Facing another brutal, three-hour interrogation from the House Oversight Committee,…
CNN Warns Mass Haitian Deportations Will Cause Humanitarian Crisis Due To Shortage Of Cats To Eat
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Following the Supreme Court's recent decision allowing the Trump…
Bombshell Fauci Diary Reveals The Hardest Part Of Fighting COVID Was Fending Off Biden In The Shower
WASHINGTON — After years of stonewalling, the House Oversight Committee finally released…
James Talarico Tries To Win The Black Vote By Looting Local Shoe Store
HOUSTON, TEXAS — In a desperate bid to salvage his collapsing poll…