Biden Appoints Sergeant Klinger From M*A*S*H To Chairman Of Joint Chiefs Of Staff
WASHINGTON-- Due to General Mark Milley getting ready to retire, Joe Biden was forced to quickly fill the position and decided to appoint Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger from the hit…
CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Evil Says Joe Rogan Spreading Medical Misinformation
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- In an effort to combat dangerous medical misinformation being propagated by non-corporate alternative media, CNN interviewed their chief medical correspondent Dr. Evil who said that Joe Rogan has…
Freedom-Loving Hawaiian Refugees Fleeing To Florida To Escape Oppressive Hawaii Regime
HONOLULU, HAWAII-- With the government of Hawaii becoming more authoritarian by the day, patriotic, freedom-loving Hawaiian citizens have decided to brave the rough waters of the Pacific Ocean by using…
Biden Scoffs At Critics, Says Empty Grocery Shelves Help Fatties Lose Weight
WASHINGTON-- Despite all the criticism he's received for the massive amount of bare shelves in supermarkets across the country, Joe Biden balked at his detractors and claimed that having hardly…
COVID Says It’s Happy To Be Finally Rid Of AOC
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- COVID-19 has made a full recovery and is now reflecting on its awful time after contracting the AOC virus, saying it was a horrible, painful experience…
Hillary Clinton Says She Can’t Be Racist Because Husband Bill Had An Affair With A Black Woman
WASHINGTON-- With Hillary Clinton recently hinting that she may run for president in 2024, old skeletons inside her closet began reappearing once again, including the one where she's been accused…
CNN Changes Their Name To The ‘January 6 News Network’
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- America's most trusted news source CNN recently announced they have changed the name of their network to the January 6 News Network (J6NN) to better reflect their almost…
Inclusive US Army Updates Uncle Sam To More Progressive Aunt Samantha
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to keep up with modern society, the United States Army has upgraded the antiquated, straight white male, national personification Uncle Sam to the more modern, progressive…
Justice Department’s Domestic Terrorism Unit Catches Disabled 85-Year-Old Grandmother Cheating At Bingo
WASHINGTON-- As a way to combat the massive amount of domestic terrorist threats perpetrated by violent white people, the US Justice Department recently formed a specialized unit to combat the…
Daddy Biden Pimp Slaps His Ho OSHA For Failing To Get Clients Vaccinated
WASHINGTON-- Once he heard about the Supreme Court's decision to strike down OSHA's attempt to get clients vaccinated, Mack Daddy Joe Biden was reported to be furious at his ho…
Healthcare Workers Avoid Vaccine Mandate By Identifying As Members Of Congress
U.S.-- Immediately after SCOTUS ruled that healthcare workers are unable to make their own decisions regarding their bodies, employees in the medical field came up with the ingenious idea of…
Fauci Says More Dog Testing Experiments Are Needed To Better Understand Origin Of COVID
WASHINGTON-- During a Senate committee hearing on the origins of the COVID-19 virus, Dr. Anthony Fauci responded to Senator Rand Paul's question about where the coronavirus came from by saying…
