ATLANTA, GEORGIA– America’s most trusted news source CNN recently announced they have changed the name of their network to the January 6 News Network (J6NN) to better reflect their almost nonstop coverage of the most super-duper scariest event in the entire history of the universe.
According to a new study, J6NN dedicated 23 hours a day talking about the ongoing January 6th topic, covering everything from the racist way Donald Trump blinked his eyes that day to the numerous times AOC had died while one hundred miles away from the Capitol Building.
“We decided to change our network’s name due to the seriousness of the Capitol Riots one year ago,” said CNN President Jeff Zucker while playing ominous music in the background to make everything feel scarier. “Even though our ratings are abysmal from our never-ending coverage of the January 6th events, we came to the conclusion that maybe it’s because we’re not talking about the Capitol Riots enough.”
Due to the success of their failing ratings, J6NN promised that starting Monday they will be increasing their coverage of the January 6th topic from 23 hours a day to 25 hours a day, stopping the clock for one hour to squeeze 60 extra minutes of the Capitol protest topic into their programming.
J6NN assured their 13 brainwashed viewers that they will still push the COVID hysteria propaganda by integrating it into the nonstop January 6th coverage, saying everyone still needs to get their two hundred booster shots to prove they’re not a racist bigoted Capitol rioter.
