ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA– Minnesota Governor Tim Walz defended his administration’s handling of the state’s sprawling fraud scandals by invoking the “Costanza Defense” to explain the billions of dollars in Somali daycare fraud currently under federal investigation.
“Jerry, I mean, Minnesota, just remember: it’s not fraud if you believe it’s legal,” said Tim Walz confidently with nervous sweat dripping down his face. “Look, if you genuinely believe something then it’s not a lie. Intent matters. And my intent was to believe very hard that I wasn’t committing fraud.”
Walz went on to explain that although the daycare children did not exist on paper or in reality, he believed they did.
“If you believe the children exist, then yes they exist,” Walz explained, trying to appear sincere. “And if they exist, then the funding makes sense. Was I lying when I signed those grants? No. Because in that moment, I truly believed there were children in the building and a single Somali woman in a basement apartment could cook 4,000 organic meals a day.”
Sources say aides immediately recognized the governor’s logic as nearly identical to the famous Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza insists, “It’s not a lie if you believe it’s true.”
The governor clarified that he was not stepping down because he was guilty, but rather because he wanted to leave on a high note. He then joked about the missing billions and walked out while everyone was still laughing.
