MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA– During a recent immigration raid in Minnesota, dozens of illegal alien Somalis suddenly dropped down to their knees and begged to be arrested after ICE agents threatened to hand them over to a group of obese, screeching liberal white women who have been protesting on their behalf.
The Somalis, who had been involved in widespread daycare scams and welfare fraud under the watchful eyes of Governor Tim Walz and Representative Ilhan Omar, were taken into custody yesterday morning in a series of raids across the state.
According to ICE officials, the Somalis were resistant to arrest until they were informed that they would be turned over to a group of nearly 200 liberal white women, many of whom weighed over 300 pounds and had a combined 100 cats.
“We were prepared to face deportation, but we could not face the wrath of these obese, screaming white women,” said one Somali man, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being eaten alive by one of the hungry female protesters. “They were like a pack of rabid hippos, screeching and flailing their arms like lunatics. We would rather rot in prison than be turned over to them. Thank you for saving us, ICE.”
At press time, the ICE agents, who were armed with pepper spray and earplugs, were able to subdue the Somalis without incident. The liberal white women, who were armed with nothing but their shrill voices and a collective 10,000 pounds of body fat, were seen fighting a flock of seagulls over a half-eaten fried chicken leg.
