LONDON, UK– The UK government issued a stark public health advisory today warning that prolonged exposure to unfiltered information on X may result in dangerous side effects, including independent thought, critical reasoning, and the spontaneous questioning of government approved narratives.
UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer announced plans to block X (formerly Twitter) nationwide, citing public safety concerns over users seeing too much truth. The Labour government claims the platform’s AI chatbot Grok is flooding the internet with bikini pics and turning Brits into perverts, but insiders say it’s really about controlling the narrative.
“We can’t have people reading unfiltered news and forming their own opinions,” declared Starmer, as though he were telling the truth. “It’s a threat to democracy. Democracy means doing what we say, not what you think. If UK subjects keep reading truth on X then they may actually start having their own independent thoughts. And we definitely don’t want that.”
When asked by a pesky news reporter why similar images remain available on beaches, billboards, television, other AI generators, and even the Prime Minister’s own holiday photos, Starmer responded by calling the journalist a far-right racist and then promptly had her arrested for hate speech.
To protect the public from being exposed to the truth, Labour leaders are considering replacing X with a safer, UK approved platform called “KeirsSpace” where the prime minister will become your first and only friend on the platform with posts that are carefully curated to reduce critical thought.
