WASHINGTON– As a way to combat the massive amount of domestic terrorist threats perpetrated by violent white people, the US Justice Department recently formed a specialized unit to combat the rise of dangerous white supremacists and their very first arrest was an 85-year-old racist grandmother who allegedly cheated at her local Bingo hall this past Thursday.
The disabled old lady named Betty Black was apprehended this week after the Department of Justice received a tip that the violent extremist grandma was repeatedly shouting the word “BINGO” claiming to have won the game when in fact she was simply reading the numbers incorrectly because she is 90% blind in both eyes.
“Today we removed another dangerous white supremacist bigot from off the streets,” said DOJ Special Agent Castor Troy as the criminal senior citizen was put into a chokehold by a 32-year-old, juiced up federal agent. “Ever since January 6 2021, we’ve seen a rise in racist, anti-government acts of terrorism against our totally legitimate Biden administration by extremists cloaking themselves as innocent, little old ladies.”
In conjunction with the FBI, the CIA, US Marshalls, and state and local law enforcement, the DOJ staked out the Bingo hall for two weeks before apprehending the almost 90-year-old great-grandmother and charged her with a slew of crimes, including terrorism, sedition, insurrection, and crapping her Depends undergarments out of fear for her life.
“We’re also charging this racist, violent lunatic with a hate crime for appropriating the last name ‘Black’ when she’s obviously not African-American,” said Agent Troy without any remorse whatsoever for the way he’s treating American citizens. “Due to the seriousness of the criminal’s crimes, she faces 300 years in prison, followed by the death penalty, and then her corpse will be forced to watch CNN for 24 hours a day so she’s no longer brainwashed by pro-America propaganda.”
