Biden Renames His Crack Pipe Distribution Plan To The George Floyd Initiative
WASHINGTON-- In celebration of Black History Month, Joe Biden has changed the name of his Crack Pipe Distribution Plan to the George Floyd Initiative as a way to bring equity…
Proud Democrats Vote To Impeach Joe Rogan From Spotify
WASHINGTON-- The U.S. House of Representatives voted to impeach Joe Rogan for spreading dangerous misinformation on his Spotify podcast, claiming that he is unfit to serve as a podcaster and…
Biden Appoints Son Hunter Head Of The New Crack Pipe Distribution Department
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to create more racial equity, Joe Biden promised to stick a crack pipe into the mouth of every black citizen in the country. To accomplish this…
Trudeau, Dressed As Lord Humungus From The Road Warrior, Tells Truckers To ‘Just Walk Away’
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In an effort to regain control of Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has gotten tough by donning the outfit worn by The Humungus from the movie The Road…
Stacey Abrams Fires Back At Critics For Not Wearing Mask, Says She Got Hungry And Ate It
DECATUR, GEORGIA-- After Democrat Stacey Abrams came under fire this week for tweeting a photo of herself mask-less around dozens of muzzled children, the former gubernatorial candidate fired back at…
COVID Vaccine Has Heart Attack After Getting Injected With Chris Christie
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- An unfortunate injury happened Sunday when the COVID vaccine suddenly had a massive heart attack only moments after getting injected with rotund Republican Chris Christie, sending the…
Joe Rogan Apologizes For Being Born After Video Surfaces Of Him Kicking His Mother Inside Womb
AUSTIN, TEXAS-- Joe Rogan is in trouble once again with the woke crowd after an old home movie video surfaced showing him kicking his mother while still inside the womb,…
GoFundMe Claims It Tested Positive For COVID And Has To Isolate Indefinitely
REDWOOD CITY, CALIFORNIA-- Fundraising platform GoFundMe announced early this morning that it has tested positive for COVID-19 and needs to go into hiding and self-isolate for an indefinite amount of…
American News Media Praises China’s Use Of Uyghur Prisoners As Human Torches To Light Olympic Cauldron
BEIJING, CHINA-- Various American leftwing news media outlets are praising China's stunning use of Uyghur slaves as human torches to light the Olympic cauldron, commending the communist country for their…
467,000,000 Jobs Suddenly Added To Biden’s Job Total In The Middle Of The Night
WASHINGTON-- After almost 500 million jobs were found in the middle of the night and added to the total job count, President Joe Biden did a victory dance while giving…
Fly That Landed On Mike Pence’s Head Turns Down Offer To Be His Vice President
WASHINGTON-- Former VP Mike Pence has been in the spotlight lately after announcing that he is running for president in 2024 and has already made an offer to the fly…
Gov. Gavin Newsom Held Hostage By Garden Tools In Protest Of Him Banning Leaf Blowers And Lawnmowers
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Dozens of angry garden tools have taken Gavin Newsom hostage over his recent ban of gas-powered lawn equipment, saying they have no intentions of releasing the California governor…
