John Fetterman Promises If Elected He’ll Be Real Pain In The Neck For Republicans
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman has promised his voters that if elected to Congress he'll be a real pain in the neck for Republicans, saying he plans on…
Obese Cocaine Addict Says He’s Cutting Back By Snorting Only Diet Coke
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- An obese man out of New York is being heralded as a hero by health officials for his stunning transformation after the fat man cut…
Biden Dons New Look To Help Boost Failing Poll Numbers
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to boost his horrible poll numbers, a worried Joe Biden has recently unveiled a brand-new look and campaign strategy, donning a blonde wig and promising Americans…
Man Sues Deer Who Ran Out In Front Of His Car In Head-On Collison
VINELAND, NEW JERSEY-- An angry New Jersey man is suing a deer that ran out in front of his car last week, claiming the deer caused him to swerve into…
Stephen King Writes New Horror Novel About Writer Who Obsesses About Former President On Social Media
BANGOR, MAINE-- Famous writer Stephen King announced on his official Twitter X page that he has released a new scary novel about a horror writer who spends all day obsessing…
Biden Travels To Pennsylvania To Give John Fetterman Public Speaking Advice
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- In order to help the Democrats win the Pennsylvania senate seat, President Joe Biden traveled to Philadelphia to give Democratic candidate John Fetterman some intelligent, coherent public speaking…
Activists Super Glue Nostrils And Mouths Shut In Protest Of Climate Change
LONDON, ENGLAND-- Two climate change activists from a campaign group called Just Stop Breathing were pronounced dead at the scene after supergluing their nostrils and mouths shut in protest of…
AOC Says Getting Interrupted During Town Hall ‘Was, Like, Totally Worse Than 9/11’
BRONX, NEW YORK-- After a couple protesters interrupted her Q&A session during a town hall, AOC later recounted the horrid experience by claiming that getting asked questions that were not…
RINO Republicans Volunteer To Take Tulsi Gabbard’s Spot In Democrat Party
WASHINGTON-- After the breaking news that former presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard had left the Democrat party, elated RINO Republicans went on record to say they'd be glad to finally come…
Biden: ‘If You Don’t Want Nuclear War With Russia Then You Ain’t Black’
WASHINGTON-- While doing an interview with a black podcaster in an effort to swing the black vote back to the Democrat plantation, President Joe Biden told the African-American host that…
Major Endorsement: Chia Pet Announces Support For Beto O’Rourke
AUSTIN, TEXAS-- In a major win that may turn the tide and help Beto O'Rourke defeat current Governor Greg Abbott in the Texas gubernatorial race, famous Chia Pet has come…
PayPal Fines Itself $2,500 For Breaking Its Own Misinformation Rule
SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA--Immediately after implementing a new rule to fine users $2,500 for misinformation and then saying it was a mistake, PayPal decided to fine themselves $2,500 for breaking one…
