WASHINGTON– It appears as though every American citizen will be getting a little richer this year after President Joe Biden made a solemn promise to give every person $1 million on February 31, 2023 as part of his Build Back Better make America greater program.
The mainstream news media was in a frenzy over the great news that Biden will actually be helping Americans for once, rather than putting the United States last. Millions of people waited with baited breath for the greatest February 31st in world history.
“I’d like to show my appreciation to the 900 billion legitimate Americans who voted for me,” said Biden in front of an official government calendar made in China. “It is my pleasure to announce that I will be giving every American, even the ones who voted for that other guy, one million US dollars on February 31, 2023. Mark it on your calendars, folks.”
Various Democratic pundits and DNC social media influencers praised the most popular president in history for doing something so heroic and empathic by making the 31st of February such a special day that will be praised in future history books.
“Former President Trump never gave Americans a damn thing on February 31st of any year,” said The View host Joy Behar as the audience clapped like trained seals. “I for one will be looking forward to putting another million dollars into my bank account on February 31st. Thank you President Biden.”
A few RINO Republicans went on the offensive, claiming that Biden is trying to buy people’s votes by giving them a million dollars on February 31st.
“If Biden’s serious about giving people money then why is he waiting till February 31st,” said Republican Senator Lindsey Graham. “Why didn’t President Biden give Americans the money last month, like on January 33, 2023.”
