CLAYMONT, DELAWARE– A local Democrat high school student has made history this week after winning his class presidency by an astounding 81 million votes, drawing criticism from the school’s Republican chapter who claim he cheated due to the fact that there’s only 463 students.
The 72-year-old new senior class president Jim Briben surprised everyone when he beat his 17-year-old Republican challenger because he never campaigned, wouldn’t answer any questions, and most of the students said they didn’t even know Briben was attending the school.
“I won this class election fair and square, Jack,” said Briben when confronted by high school news reporters. “And my first order of business as your new president is to send all our school lunch money to Ukraine and to put more transgender lesbians of color onto our all-male football teams.”
Local news outlets praised the elderly high school president and said that anyone who doesn’t believe that the old man legitimately won the class presidency with 81 million votes is a racist, homophobic, anti-vax election denier.
While sniffing a few of his female classmate’s hair, Briben said confidently, “We have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American high school politics.”
Briben took the lead on election night when almost 81 million of his votes were dumped at approximately 3am after a pipe burst in the school gymnasium and all the Republican vote counters were sent home.
