OTTAWA, CANADA– As a way to better equip Canadian police officers to deal with unruly protesters, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has made it mandatory for officers to undergo necessary horse trampling classes in case a citizen gets out of line by demanding freedom.
“We must adapt to the current political climate by strengthening the training of our police,” said Trudeau while Mounties practiced their new horse trampling techniques on random bystanders. “The truckers set a dangerous precedent in Canada by misleading citizens into thinking that they have a right to freedom by disobeying my very reasonable orders.”
Trudeau went on to say that he got the bright idea of implementing the new equine stomping tactics after watching Canadian mounted police trample over old ladies with their 1,200 pound horses during last year’s truckers for freedom protests.
“Ooh, this is so exhilarating watching these beautiful creatures stomp on the heads of my insubordinate Canadian citizens,” said Trudeau, laughing at a group of mounted police using their horses to stomp on an old man. “Once an unruly citizen is brought to heel by the horse trampling, my highly skilled police will then vaccinate the deceased with the totally safe and effective COVID vaccine. It’s a win-win for the implementation of a better, safer new world order.”
Due to the success of his new horse trampling training regulations, Trudeau has also instructed police departments to begin phase two of the mandatory drills by drawing and quartering the citizens once they’ve been subdued by the stomping.
