Biden Shows His Stamina On New Year’s Eve By Licking Ice Cream Cone Four Times Before Passing Out By 5 PM
WASHINGTON-- President Joe Biden has proved the naysayers wrong once again after showing off his energy and stamina by ringing in the New Year holiday licking his favorite ice cream…
Gazelle Family Christmas Kind Of Awkward After Daughter Brings Home Lion For Holiday
KENYA, AFRICA-- A Christmas family gathering became awkward very fast after a female gazelle brought home a lion to meet her parents for the first time, causing a lot of…
Woke Santa Tells Disappointed Children All Their Gifts Going To Ukraine This Year
NORTH POLE-- In an effort to both end systemic, racist climate change and help Ukraine defeat Russia, a more progressive Santa Claus has announced on his official Twitter account that…
Politicians Watched In Awe As Zelensky Performed Miracles During Speech To Congress
WASHINGTON-- As most of the world is aware by now, Volodymyr Zelensky gave a divine speech in front of a stunned United States Congress Thursday, leaving the audience of uniparty…
Thousands Of Homeless Veterans Fly Ukraine Flags In Hope Of Government Assistance
U.S.-- After hearing the news that Congress was sending another $45 billion to Ukraine, thousands of homeless US military veterans have taken an unprecedented move by raising the flag of…
Biden Polls Americans Asking If He Should Step Down As President
WASHINGTON-- It appears that Joe Biden will remain as President of the United States after a recent credible poll revealed that the majority of Americans voted to keep him in…
White House Swears Recent Picture Of Biden With Wife Jill Is Not Photoshopped
WASHINGTON-- A recent photo of Joe Biden walking with his wife Jill has caused many people to question whether the image of the president's head was replaced with a much…
Buff High School Girl Easily Defeats Competition To Win State Wrestling Tournament
DERRY, NEW HAMPSHIRE-- A young high school girl has surprisingly defeated every one of her other female opponents to win a state wrestling tournament, destroying one hundred other girls within…
Realistic New ‘Scream’ Movie Shows Ghostface Killer Getting Beaten And Robbed In New York
HOLLYWOOD-- Both fans and film critics alike are praising the trailer of the latest installment of the Scream franchise, which shows a more realistic portrayal of the current crime-infested condition…
Christmas Cancelled After Justin Trudeau Has Santa Claus Euthanized
OTTAWA, CANADA-- This year's Christmas has been officially cancelled after Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau had Santa Claus euthanized as part of his push to reduce the world's population to…
Canadian Restaurants Offering Free Fries For Proof Of Euthanasia
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In an effort to get as many Canadians euthanized as possible, the government of Canada has partnered with numerous restaurant chains across the country to offer any euthanized…
Genius: Biden Trades State Of California To Putin For Cozy Russian Ushanka Hat
WASHINGTON-- In what some political pundits are calling one of the greatest deals ever made, President Joe Biden has officially swapped the state of California for a comfortable Russian ushanka…
