WASHINGTON– A new bipartisan rules amendment has been mandated by the US Congress which requires all members to recite the updated Pledge of Allegiance, which replaces the words “United States of America” with “Ukraine.”
The new pledge to the flag of Ukraine has received support from both Republicans and Democrats alike, and must be recited before every meeting, speech, interview, or whenever a Congress member makes love to their husband or wife while thinking about Ukrainian President Zelensky.
“This new pledge to Ukraine solidifies our stance on putting Ukraine first and America last,” said Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson, showing reporters his cute Ukraine flag underwear. “The only thing struggling Americans care about is sending all their hard-earned money to Ukraine, not these trivial domestic issues, such as putting food on the table, stopping rampant crime, or closing our southern border.”
Starting this week, the House and the Senate will further show their loyalty to Ukraine by both reciting the new pledge to Ukraine and also by bowing down and worshipping a new 10-feet high golden statue of Zelensky.
Although changing the Pledge of Allegiance to Ukraine has pleased most members of Congress, some politicians have stated that it’s not enough and more needs to be done to show the world America’s undying devotion to hiding all the corruption that’s taking place under Zelensky’s watch.
“I’m proposing that one hundred percent of American taxpayer’s money goes to support Ukraine,” said Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer from New York. “It’s appalling that there’s still people in the United States who refuse to give up everything to stop Russia’s Putin from exposing all our dirty little secrets.”
In an effort to support Ukraine even further, Congress passed yet another bill which will replace “In God We Trust” with “In Zelensky We Trust” on all currency, paperwork, and buildings.
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