WASHINGTON– In an effort to drive home to the American people just how serious the January 6 protest was, New York Senator Chuck Schumer told a crowd of paid supporters that the Capitol Building riot was even worse than the day when his 90-year-old Aunt Edna burnt his favorite potato latkes.
“Oh my God, the January 6 Insurrection has brought back so many horrible memories of my childhood,” said Schumer as he pinched his arm to help make himself cry on camera. “The insurrection on January 6 caused by former President Trump was even worse than the day my lovely Aunt Edna burnt my potato latkes and my mother forced me to still eat them so I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.”
Schumer went on to recall in full detail the horrors of the day he ate the extremely overcooked latkes, saying the only thing worse than eating burnt Jewish food is reliving the Capitol Insurrection.
“Oy vey, after eating those latkes I felt as though Trump rioters were beating up my intestines,” said Schumer, readjusting his diaper. “You’ve never experienced pain until you’ve eaten an extremely overcooked latke that comes out of you the same way it went inside.”
The senator ended the speech by claiming he has irrefutable proof that Trump somehow sabotaged those burnt latkes that he ate over sixty years ago and plans on starting another Democrat-run investigation into Trump’s role in the latke insurrection.
