After Having No Further Uses, Biden Now Using Head As A Paperweight
WASHINGTON-- After having no further use for himself as Commander-in-Chief, Joe Biden has been relegated to using his head as a paperweight on order by his handlers who admitted that…
Sesame Street’s Oscar The Grouch Canceled After Saying He Doesn’t Want Male Hands Up His Puppet Hole
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK-- Yet another controversy has hit Sesame Street after Muppet character Oscar the Grouch told producers that he no longer felt comfortable having men shove their hands up…
To Satisfy China, ‘The Little Mermaid’ Movie Only 20 Minutes Long After Editing Out All Black Actors
BURBANK, CALIFORNIA-- In order to have their movie The Little Mermaid shown in China, Disney was forced to cut out all the black actors in the film including lead actress…
Secret Service Arrests Sandbag That Brutally Attacked Biden And Caused Him To Trip And Fall
WASHINGTON-- A black sandbag was arrested yesterday by Secret Service after it ruthlessly lunged at Joe Biden and tried to assassinate him, causing the startled president to trip and fall…
In Push For Diversity, Chick-Fil-A Will Now Serve Black Chickens
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- Striving to be more diverse and equitable, the Chairman of Chick-fil-A Dan Cathy proudly announced that starting this week the fast food chain will begin serving black chickens…
Kevin McCarthy: ‘I Never Lied, I Just Didn’t Tell The Truth, Big Difference’
WASHINGTON-- After facing major backlash for allegedly lying to millions of Republicans, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy gave a quick press conference to clear the air about all the accusations that…
Trophy Hunter Refuses To Shoot Rhino After It Reminds Him Of His Mother
KENYA, AFRICA-- In a touching story out of Africa, a trophy hunter spared killing a rhinoceros after zooming in on the large animal with his gun scope and realizing that…
Dr. Phil: Bashful Snake Refuses To Shed Its Skin In Front Of Its Peers
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- A shy snake has made the news this week after it was a guest on the popular Dr. Phil show, explaining to the world its inability to shed…
Geriatric Senators Ask Younger Congress Members How To Use Their Free New-Fangled Phone Thingys
WASHINGTON-- United States Senators were recently offered free satellite phones for emergency communications, which confused the oldest members of Congress whom had no idea what the new technology was, let…
Ron DeSantis Promises When He’s President He Won’t Run For A Different Position After Only 3 Months On The Job
MIAMI, FLORIDA-- During a Twitter Spaces event with CEO Elon Musk, Ron DeSantis told all his skeptics that when he becomes president he won't run for something else after only…
Target Tries Fooling Conservatives By Rebranding As Bullseye
U.S.-- Due to the massive boycott against Target for their line of Satanic trans-friendly clothing, think tanks at the company came up with the ingenious idea of simply changing their…
Trump Trolls Ron DeSantis By Picking Mickey Mouse As His Vice President
ORLANDO, FLORIDA-- As the Republican primaries get closer and tensions mount between candidates, President Donald Trump has gone on the offensive once again against his closest competitor Governor Ron DeSantis…
