ORLANDO, FLORIDA– As the Republican primaries get closer and tensions mount between candidates, President Donald Trump has gone on the offensive once again against his closest competitor Governor Ron DeSantis by selecting Disney’s Mickey Mouse as his running mate, in what some are calling the ultimate game of 3D chess.
Trump made the major announcement during a grandiose speech at Walt Disney World in Orlando, saying that Mickey Mouse will be the perfect vice president and that no one has more experience at handling the Governor of Florida than the anthropomorphic mouse.
“I bet Ron DeSanctimonious never saw this coming,” said Trump with a chuckle as Mickey Mouse ran up on stage wearing the governor’s infamous white wading boots. “Mickey Mouse comes highly recommended and is the only one who can bring his understanding of how children think to be able to debate the childlike brain of Kamala Harris.”
DeSantis and Disney have had a rough history and sources have confirmed that the governor was thrown off his game after the VP announcement and began scrambling to come up with a response to Trump’s 69D chess move.
“Look, I’m not going to be ruffled by Trump’s attempt at ruffling me with that mouse,” said DeSantis from the governor’s mansion where he was prepared to sign a new bill into law. “So, with that being said, today I’ll be signing a new bill into Florida law that will ban all anthropomorphic Floridian Disney characters named Mickey Mouse from running for vice president. And no, this has nothing to do with Trump picking that mouse as his running mate.”
In response to DeSantis banning his running mate Mickey Mouse from office, Trump immediately picked Disney’s Goofy as his new VP and said that his new choice also comes highly recommended and is the only one who can decipher Joe Biden’s speeches.
