HIROSHIMA, JAPAN– During the latest G7 summit, all the world’s leaders officially came into an agreement that if Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky wants to receive any more financial aid then he will have to get into the ring and both wrestle and defeat Japan’s top sumo wrestling champion.
After getting up on stage and giving a riveting speech where he said the United States still hasn’t given him enough money, Zelensky called on his fellow world leaders to stop being selfish and give him even more money. The Ukrainian president went so far as to tell everyone that he would do whatever it takes to get that money.
“You hear, that, boys?” Biden asked while sniffing the back of Zelensky’s head. “Our guy Zelensky here says he’ll do anything to get that money. I’m sure I can think of a few things I’d like to get him to do for some more cash. I think it’s shower time, Jack.”
Once the G7 leaders convinced Biden that forcing Zelensky to spend a wild weekend with him and his son Hunter wasn’t the best idea, they finally came into agreement that because the event has taken place in Japan then the Japanese prime minister should have the final say.
As soon as the 600 pound Japanese sumo wrestler crushed Zelensky like a grape, Ukraine’s president gave a victory speech and said he had won the match and that he had destroyed his opponent in the same way he had destroyed Russia’s Putin.
With his latest victory, Zelensky added world champion sumo wrestler to his Twitter profile along with president of Ukraine, A-list actor, dragon slayer, virtuoso penis pianist, doctor, scientist, atom splitter, and interplanetary traveler.
