PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA– In a new twist to the United States and North Korea’s already strained relationship, Kim Jong-Un has officially made St. Patrick’s Day the official national holiday of the isolationist country.
Irish and non-Irish alike around the world are scratching their heads at why North Korea’s Supreme Leader would not only adopt the holiday as the country’s number one national holiday, but also force all its citizens to wear only green and use ‘Erin Go Bragh’ as the official salute whenever in the presence of Kim.
Sources within United States intelligence groups believe that Kim has an ulterior motive and that this is a new tactic by the ruthless leader to showcase his ultimate power.
“Why St. Patrick’s Day?” Liam O’Sullivan asked, head of the C.I.A.’s holiday celebration unit. “Out of all our American holidays Kim could’ve picked, why choose one that’s so near and dear to so many people? Why couldn’t Kim have picked a more useless United States holiday, like Independence Day? No one really cares about that one.”
In a televised speech transmitted across the globe, Kim Jong-Un told the world that St. Patrick’s Day will now be celebrated by all North Korean citizens every day of the year, and anyone who refuses to acknowledge their Irish pride will face dire consequences.
“Today is the first day of a never-ending St. Patrick’s celebration,” Kim started to say, dressed in green and wearing a faux red beard. “We are starting the holiday one day ahead of the rest of the world to showcase the power of North Korea’s own all new C.I.A. holiday celebration unit.”
Inside sources claim that Kim plans on adopting other well-known American traditions as a way to toy with President Trump, such as changing the North Korean flag to red white and blue, using the bald eagle as the symbol on all currency, and making reality shows and social media the standard for all children in schools.
