Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Last Day For Americans To File Taxes And Claim Ukraine, Somalis, Israel And Illegal Aliens As Dependents
U.S. — With the April 15 tax deadline looming, millions of Americans…
Keir Starmer Demands Investigation Into Prime Minister’s Handling Of UK
LONDON, UK — Prime Minister Keir Starmer has called for an urgent…
Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating All Doctors Wear White Robes And Red Sashes
WASHINGTON—Citing a desperate need for clarity in the medical field, President Donald…
Lindsey Graham Announces Reelection Campaign For Senator Of Israel
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — Standing before a sea of blue and white…
Canadians Wondering When Real Prime Minister Going To Show Up
CANADA—Expressing a quiet, shared assumption that the current situation was temporary, millions…
Trump Orders Airstrikes On CNN Headquarters After Claiming Network Months Away From Developing Nuclear Weapons
WASHINGTON — In a stunning escalation of his long-running feud with the media,…
Gavin Newsom Appoints Gavin Newsom To Investigate Fraud Committed Under Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Following a relentless barrage of reports from pesky independent…
Pam Bondi Reassigned As White House Easter Bunny In Lateral Move
WASHINGTON — Just weeks after being abruptly ousted from her position as the…
Artemis II Crew Frustrated After Getting Stuck Behind Only Other Rocket In Entirety Of Space
LOW EARTH ORBIT — Despite the universe consisting of an estimated 93…
Congress Takes Break From Doing Nothing To Continue Doing Nothing For Easter
WASHINGTON — Exhausted from months of not doing anything productive, members of…
Artemis II Astronaut Turns To Pillar Of Salt After Looking Back At Earth
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA — In a bizarre incident that has left fellow…