BEIJING, CHINA — The highly anticipated summit between U.S. President Donald Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping was abruptly postponed on Wednesday after Trump’s signature “pump-and-pull” greeting resulted in a sharp, plastic snapping sound, followed by the Chinese leader’s limb dangling by frayed copper wires and cheap metal bolts and screws.
The diplomatic crisis began when President Trump attempted to establish dominance right out of the gate, delivering his signature handshake that caused Xi’s entire right arm to snap off at the shoulder.
“It was a very firm handshake, a beautiful handshake, maybe the strongest in the history of handshakes, quite frankly,” Trump told reporters later. “I’ve got a very strong grip, everyone knows this. Many people say it’s the strongest grip they’ve ever felt. Xi’s arm just popped right out. That’s why we have to start manufacturing in the United States. No more made in China products.”
Chinese State Media was quick to do damage control, claiming President Xi’s arm was designed to detach seamlessly to avoid structural damage to the rest of the chassis and a testament to Chinese innovation that the arm will simply be recycled and repurposed into 400 identical desk fans.
At press time, the summit remained on hold as Chinese engineers awaited a replacement shoulder joint to arrive via global shipping, though tracking information indicates the package is currently “stuck in a sorting facility in Shenzhen” and may take another 14 to 21 business days to arrive.
