FREEBIRD, ARIZONA– A drill sergeant in the United States army was recently court-martialed and sentenced to 10 years in a military prison for raising his voice on more than one occasion, which goes against the army’s new policy of speaking softly and using kindness, not toughness, to prepare recruits for the hardships of war in dangerous countries.
According to army officials, drill sergeant Mitchell K. Harrison, 49, had been warned on several occasions that having a mean look on his face and yelling at subordinates is against policy and that if he continued using a frowning face he would face serious consequences.
“We don’t tolerate this type of behavior in our military,” Captain Joshua Irving said quietly due to several recruits watching America’s Got Talent in the next room. “We feel that the most competent way of preparing our young men and women for death and destruction is to let them learn at their own pace with the pleasant assistance of superior officers who step back and smile politely.”
While it is true that kindness does go a long way, some critics feel that utilizing such offhanded, sweet, and more loving tactics will cause enemies of the United States to also start adopting this new approach.
“Even though I do agree that being kind is more effective,” said Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee, “we don’t want this new style to fall into the hands of the enemy. Just imagine, if you will, if ISIS started using this ingenious style on their recruits. We need every advantage we can get in the war on terror.”
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