Artemis II Crew Frustrated After Getting Stuck Behind Only Other Rocket In Entirety Of Space
LOW EARTH ORBIT — Despite the universe consisting of an estimated 93…
Congress Takes Break From Doing Nothing To Continue Doing Nothing For Easter
WASHINGTON — Exhausted from months of not doing anything productive, members of…
Artemis II Astronaut Turns To Pillar Of Salt After Looking Back At Earth
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA — In a bizarre incident that has left fellow…
British Man Hit By Bus Apologizes To Bus For Being In The Way
LONDON, UK — Traffic in Central London ground to a halt Tuesday…
Pharisees Hold First-Ever ‘No Kings’ Protest Against Jesus
JERUSALEM — Tensions reached a boiling point in the streets of Jerusalem…
Nation Beginning To Suspect Congress Is Not Acting In Their Best Interests
WASHINGTON — Following decades of stagnant wages, crumbling infrastructure, and the rising…
JD Vance Conducts High-Stakes Iran Talks Through Trump Sock Puppet
TEHRAN, IRAN — In a move officials are calling innovative and cost-effective,…
Trump Sends Steven Seagal To Singlehandedly Defeat Entire Iranian Military, Assures War Will End Before Credits Roll
WASHINGTON — Expressing frustration with the slow pacing and boring dialogue of…
Republicans Worried Passing SAVE Act May Lead To Election Integrity
WASHINGTON — Expressing what they described as a quiet but deeply uncomfortable concern,…
Gavin Newsom Announces Task Force To Prevent Future Fraud Discoveries
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Responding to a growing wave of fraud revelations uncovered…
Israel Releases Undoctored Photo Of Benjamin Netanyahu To Prove He’s Still Alive
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL — Attempting to calm a growing online frenzy about the…
Gavin Newsom Reminds Iran To Apply For Proper Permits Before Launching Missiles Into California
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In response to recent threats from the Islamic Republic…