Senate Leader John Thune Refuses To Bring SAVE Act To Floor, Citing Grave Danger Of Accidentally Winning Midterms
WASHINGTON—After returning from another three week vacation, Senate Majority Leader John Thune…
Supreme Court Leak Investigation Stalls After Ketanji Brown Jackson Admits ‘I’m Not A Plumber’
WASHINGTON — Following yet another unprecedented, behind-the-scenes disclosure of the Supreme Court’s…
Ilhan Omar Blames Net-Worth Error On Hiring Accountant Who Got His Math Degree From The Quality Learing Center
WASHINGTON — Following a sudden and staggering downward revision of her net…
Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Last Day For Americans To File Taxes And Claim Ukraine, Somalis, Israel And Illegal Aliens As Dependents
U.S. — With the April 15 tax deadline looming, millions of Americans…
Keir Starmer Demands Investigation Into Prime Minister’s Handling Of UK
LONDON, UK — Prime Minister Keir Starmer has called for an urgent…
Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating All Doctors Wear White Robes And Red Sashes
WASHINGTON—Citing a desperate need for clarity in the medical field, President Donald…
Lindsey Graham Announces Reelection Campaign For Senator Of Israel
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — Standing before a sea of blue and white…
Canadians Wondering When Real Prime Minister Going To Show Up
CANADA—Expressing a quiet, shared assumption that the current situation was temporary, millions…
Trump Orders Airstrikes On CNN Headquarters After Claiming Network Months Away From Developing Nuclear Weapons
WASHINGTON — In a stunning escalation of his long-running feud with the media,…
Gavin Newsom Appoints Gavin Newsom To Investigate Fraud Committed Under Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Following a relentless barrage of reports from pesky independent…
Pam Bondi Reassigned As White House Easter Bunny In Lateral Move
WASHINGTON — Just weeks after being abruptly ousted from her position as the…