Xi Jinping Gives Trump Personal Tour Of Chinese Factory Manufacturing Trump Merchandise
HANGZHOU, CHINA– In a move described as on the nose, President Xi…
Trump-China Summit Postponed After Xi’s Arm Breaks Following One Handshake
BEIJING, CHINA — The highly anticipated summit between U.S. President Donald Trump…
Lockheed Martin Releases Touching Mother’s Day Ad Thanking Moms For ‘Raising Our Future Customer Base’
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — In a bold departure from traditional corporate holiday messaging, global…
After Careful Reflection, Keir Starmer Concludes Massive Labour Defeat Caused By Everyone Except Keir Starmer
LONDON, UK — Following a disastrous week of local election results that…
Katie Porter Tries To Woo Suburban Moms By Berating Babies
IRVINE, CALIFORNIA — In a desperate bid to humanize her image ahead…
Dead Voters Beg Congress To Pass SAVE Act So They Can Finally Rest In Peace
U.S. —Citing extreme exhaustion and a desperate desire for eternal slumber, a…
Galactic Inflation Hits Hard As Single Portion Of Blue Milk Now Costs 45 Credits
MOS EISLEY, TATOOINE — Families across the Outer Rim are waking up…
Tim Walz Blasts FBI Daycare Raids For Leaving Thousands Of Fake Children Without Care
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — In a fiery and deeply emotional press conference…
King Charles Presents Trump With Gift Of Keir Starmer Frozen In Carbonite
WASHINGTON — In a grand gesture aimed at reaffirming the Special Relationship…
Biden Defends Ilhan Omar By Recounting His Own Harrowing Service In The Trenches Of World War 9
REHOBOTH BEACH, DELAWARE— Coming to the defense of Congresswoman Ilhan Omar following…
‘No Kings’ Protesters Clarify They Don’t Oppose Actual King Currently Visiting White House
WASHINGTON — Chaos erupted outside the White House gates as thousands of…
FBI Frustrated As Trail Of Missing Scientists Keeps Leading Back To FBI
WASHINGTON — Expressing mounting exasperation over a seemingly unsolvable nationwide mystery, the…