Nation Beginning To Suspect Congress Is Not Acting In Their Best Interests
WASHINGTON — Following decades of stagnant wages, crumbling infrastructure, and the rising…
JD Vance Conducts High-Stakes Iran Talks Through Trump Sock Puppet
TEHRAN, IRAN — In a move officials are calling innovative and cost-effective,…
Trump Sends Steven Seagal To Singlehandedly Defeat Entire Iranian Military, Assures War Will End Before Credits Roll
WASHINGTON — Expressing frustration with the slow pacing and boring dialogue of…
Republicans Worried Passing SAVE Act May Lead To Election Integrity
WASHINGTON — Expressing what they described as a quiet but deeply uncomfortable concern,…
Gavin Newsom Announces Task Force To Prevent Future Fraud Discoveries
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Responding to a growing wave of fraud revelations uncovered…
Israel Releases Undoctored Photo Of Benjamin Netanyahu To Prove He’s Still Alive
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL — Attempting to calm a growing online frenzy about the…
Gavin Newsom Reminds Iran To Apply For Proper Permits Before Launching Missiles Into California
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In response to recent threats from the Islamic Republic…
Trump Endorses Jake Paul’s Sweaty Armpits After They ‘Worked Harder In 5 Minutes Than Massie In 10 Years’
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — At a rally Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters…
Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Somali Pirates After Realizing Plunder More Lucrative Than Insider Trading
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA — Following a devastating primary defeat that left him ousted…
Keir Starmer Torn Between Arresting People For Tweets And Arresting Them Before They Tweet
LONDON, UK — Government sources say Prime Minister Keir Starmer is currently…
France Surrenders To U.S. Minutes After Trump Tells Iran To ‘Unconditional Surrender’
PARIS, FRANCE — In a move historians are calling one of the…
U.S. Unveils Israel Loyalty Punch Card: Buy 10 Congress Members, Get 1 Free Middle East War
WASHINGTON — In an effort to streamline a long-standing bipartisan tradition, the…