Dead Voters Beg Congress To Pass SAVE Act So They Can Finally Rest In Peace
U.S. —Citing extreme exhaustion and a desperate desire for eternal slumber, a…
Galactic Inflation Hits Hard As Single Portion Of Blue Milk Now Costs 45 Credits
MOS EISLEY, TATOOINE — Families across the Outer Rim are waking up…
Tim Walz Blasts FBI Daycare Raids For Leaving Thousands Of Fake Children Without Care
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — In a fiery and deeply emotional press conference…
King Charles Presents Trump With Gift Of Keir Starmer Frozen In Carbonite
WASHINGTON — In a grand gesture aimed at reaffirming the Special Relationship…
Biden Defends Ilhan Omar By Recounting His Own Harrowing Service In The Trenches Of World War 9
REHOBOTH BEACH, DELAWARE— Coming to the defense of Congresswoman Ilhan Omar following…
‘No Kings’ Protesters Clarify They Don’t Oppose Actual King Currently Visiting White House
WASHINGTON — Chaos erupted outside the White House gates as thousands of…
FBI Frustrated As Trail Of Missing Scientists Keeps Leading Back To FBI
WASHINGTON — Expressing mounting exasperation over a seemingly unsolvable nationwide mystery, the…
Senate Leader John Thune Refuses To Bring SAVE Act To Floor, Citing Grave Danger Of Accidentally Winning Midterms
WASHINGTON—After returning from another three week vacation, Senate Majority Leader John Thune…
Supreme Court Leak Investigation Stalls After Ketanji Brown Jackson Admits ‘I’m Not A Plumber’
WASHINGTON — Following yet another unprecedented, behind-the-scenes disclosure of the Supreme Court’s…
Ilhan Omar Blames Net-Worth Error On Hiring Accountant Who Got His Math Degree From The Quality Learing Center
WASHINGTON — Following a sudden and staggering downward revision of her net…
Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Last Day For Americans To File Taxes And Claim Ukraine, Somalis, Israel And Illegal Aliens As Dependents
U.S. — With the April 15 tax deadline looming, millions of Americans…