Trump Endorses Jake Paul’s Sweaty Armpits After They ‘Worked Harder In 5 Minutes Than Massie In 10 Years’
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — At a rally Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters…
Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Somali Pirates After Realizing Plunder More Lucrative Than Insider Trading
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA — Following a devastating primary defeat that left him ousted…
Keir Starmer Torn Between Arresting People For Tweets And Arresting Them Before They Tweet
LONDON, UK — Government sources say Prime Minister Keir Starmer is currently…
France Surrenders To U.S. Minutes After Trump Tells Iran To ‘Unconditional Surrender’
PARIS, FRANCE — In a move historians are calling one of the…
U.S. Unveils Israel Loyalty Punch Card: Buy 10 Congress Members, Get 1 Free Middle East War
WASHINGTON — In an effort to streamline a long-standing bipartisan tradition, the…
Iran Leaves One-Star Alibaba Review After China-Made Air Defense System Fails After One Use
TEHRAN, IRAN — Relations between the Islamic Republic and China have reached…
Smiling Face Of John McCain Spotted Forming In Smoke Cloud Over Iran
TEHRAN, IRAN — Residents and satellite images alike reported Saturday that a…
Republicans Demand Trump Stop Implementing GOP Platform So They Can Keep Fundraising Off Pretending To Support It
WASHINGTON—In an emergency closed-door meeting Friday, a coalition of concerned Senate Republicans…
Embarrassed Somali Pirates Distance Themselves From Ilhan Omar
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA—In a rare press release from the high seas, a coalition…
Democrats Claim Playing Trump’s State Of The Union Backwards Reveals Secret Russian Directives
WASHINGTON— Calling it the most chilling and undeniable piece of evidence discovered…
Nancy Pelosi Spotted Ripping Papers In Capitol Gym For Final Trump State Of The Union Showdown
WASHINGTON — Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was reportedly spotted this week…
Team USA Hockey Players Try To Figure Out Who Invited The Taxi Driver Into Locker Room
MILAN, ITALY– Following their gold medal victory at the Winter Olympics, members…