WASHINGTON — In a rare, tearful display of true bipartisan solidarity, thousands of K Street lobbyists, mainstream media anchors, establishment Democrats and Republicans, and career bureaucrats gathered inside of Congress Tuesday night for a somber, tear-soaked candlelight vigil to honor the tragic loss of several ousted “RINO” Republicans in recent primaries.
The memorial featured high-ranking Democrats and establishment Republicans weeping openly over the devastating, back-to-back primary defeats of veteran do-nothing RINOs like Texas Senator John Cornyn and Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy, who were all removed by furious voters.
“This is a dark day for the Republican establishment,” said Senator Mitch McConnell while struggling to hold back tears. “These men dedicated their lives to preserving our sacred traditions, such as strongly worded letters, symbolic committee hearings, and finding bipartisan compromise with Democrats right before every major Republican priority crossed the finish line.”
Meanwhile, surviving establishment Republicans were seen nervously huddling together, whispering fears that voters might begin expecting elected Republicans to actually oppose Democrats instead of merely posting strongly worded posts on social media.
As the vigil wound down, attendees blew out their candles and quietly went back to their luxury homes, leaving behind a pile of discarded, unread copies of the Constitution.
