NEW DELHI, INDIA — Declaring the agreement a massive, unprecedented victory for the American working class, U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced a monumental trade and labor breakthrough during his diplomatic summit in New Delhi with a landmark treaty guaranteeing that all future Indian H-1B visa holders will strictly and exclusively displace workers residing in solidly Democrat blue states.
Under the new compromise backed by the Trump administration, multinational corporations will still be permitted to completely gut domestic payrolls with cheaper foreign labor, provided the resulting unemployment stays entirely within the borders of places like California, New York, and Massachusetts.
“We promised the voters we would protect American jobs, and today, we delivered,” Rubio announced at the press conference, standing next to India’s Prime Minister Modi. “Silicon Valley lobbyists demanded 500,000 new H-1B visas this year to undercut local wages.
“We agreed but told them they can only destroy the livelihoods of people living in deep-blue congressional districts. We’ve always known the Democrats’ open-borders policies would come back to haunt them.”
Under the newly signed treaty, Indian nationals will be granted expedited work visas to fill highly technical, irreplaceable roles such as “Senior Convenience Store Slurpee Technician,” “Director of Drive-Thru Bagging Operations,” and “Executive Janitorial Logistics Coordinator.”
At press time, it was reported that the Red State voter’s diplomatic victory was short-lived, once countless local employers realized they could save 60% on labor costs by simply packing up their headquarters and relocating to Chicago.
