U.S. —Citing extreme exhaustion and a desperate desire for eternal slumber, a coalition of several million deceased Americans held a silent, subterranean rally this week to demand that Congress immediately pass the SAVE Act, claiming they are burnt out by the rigors of participating in every election cycle despite many having passed away decades ago.
The deceased expressed frustration that their names remain on active voter rolls, effectively forcing them into a post-mortem civic duty they never asked for.
“I’ve been dead since the Reagan administration, and I’m tired, boss,” said the skeletal remains of John Snerd, who in life was a Republican but has been voting Democrat in every election since 1988. “When I was alive I was a lifelong Republican, but since I died I’ve been voting blue for almost 40-years. I’m tired, I’m cold, and I’m frankly embarrassed. I just want to spend my afterlife not worrying about a mail-in ballot showing up at my tombstone.”
The SAVE Act, which aims to strengthen proof-of-citizenship requirements and scrub deceased individuals from voter rolls, has united the deceased Americans. Many dead voters expressed frustration that Congress’s inaction has forced them into a permanent state of zombie partisanship.
At press time, Congressional Democrats have vowed to block the SAVE Act, claiming that it threatens to make it more difficult for the marginalized post-living community to vote.
