Christmas Cancelled After Justin Trudeau Has Santa Claus Euthanized
OTTAWA, CANADA-- This year's Christmas has been officially cancelled after Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau had Santa Claus euthanized as part of his push to reduce the world's population to…
Canadian Restaurants Offering Free Fries For Proof Of Euthanasia
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In an effort to get as many Canadians euthanized as possible, the government of Canada has partnered with numerous restaurant chains across the country to offer any euthanized…
Genius: Biden Trades State Of California To Putin For Cozy Russian Ushanka Hat
WASHINGTON-- In what some political pundits are calling one of the greatest deals ever made, President Joe Biden has officially swapped the state of California for a comfortable Russian ushanka…
Retired Dr. Fauci Finds New Job As Balenciaga Model
PARIS, FRANCE-- In what some are calling a smooth, lateral transition from United States government worker to perverted, bondage-themed Balenciaga model, Dr. Anthony Fauci announced he has launched a new…
Governor Newsom Gives Sharks Reparations For Hundreds Of Years Of Racial Oppression
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Spurred by the recent The Washington Post article claiming racist white men have been oppressing sharks, California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed into law a bill that will…
Biden Soils Himself On Live TV To Show Dominance Over Putin
WASHINGTON-- After western news media outlets reported that Vladimir Putin soiled himself from a fall, an incensed Joe Biden showed his dominance over the Russian president and one-upped him by…
Pfizer Introduces Anti-Facts Vaccine For Liberals Affected By Truth On Twitter
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- With millions of liberals suddenly being exposed to facts on Twitter after Elon Musk allowed free speech on the social media platform, the world's most honest…
Apple Updates Logo To Better Reflect Their Pro-Communist Company Values
CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to better reflect their support for the Communist Party of China, Apple CEO Tim Cook recently unveiled the company's new logo that blends the old…
Dr. Fauci Enjoys Delicious Thanksgiving Beagle With Friends And Coworkers
WASHINGTON-- Retiring Dr. Fauci has decided to take a break from his busy schedule of pushing the totally super-duper safe COVID vaccine by celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday with his extended…
Biden Wishes Everyone ‘Happy Easter’ In Touching, Heartfelt Thanksgiving Message
WASHINGTON-- News Media outlets are praising Joe Biden's early morning inspiring Thanksgiving Twitter X post where the president wished all of his British subjects a very Happy Easter, proving once…
Instead Of Hockey Fights, NHL Players Will Now Do Each Other’s Makeup
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- The NHL has become the latest sports league to come out in support of the trans community with an official Twitter tweet that made major…
Controversy Arises After Photos Of Biden’s Pardoned Turkey Found On Hunter’s Laptop
WASHINGTON-- A major controversy has been brewing Monday after it was revealed that photos of one of the turkeys pardoned by President Joe Biden was found on Hunter's laptop, showing…
