Aaron Rodgers Says He’s Healed After Doctors Prescribed Him Treatment Of ‘Walk It Off’
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- After sustaining an injury to his Achilles tendon during a game, New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers told everyone that he has quickly recovered due to…
New Mexico Governor Bans Breathing Due To Climate Change Emergency
SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO-- In order to combat a serious environmental epidemic, Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham has issued an emergency public health order banning all New Mexico citizens from breathing…
Biden: ‘If I Had A Son He’d Look Like Danny Masterson’
WASHINGTON-- Immediately after That '70s Show actor Danny Masterson was sentenced by a judge to 30 years to life in prison for raping two women, President Joe Biden gave a…
Liberty Safe Blowout Sale: Buy A Safe And Get Your Very Own FBI Agent For Free
PAYSON, UTAH-- A major sale is currently underway at popular gun safe company Liberty Safe for the next 24 hours and if customers act now and order a safe then…
ADL Places Seagull On Anti-Semite List For Pooping On Jewish Man’s Shoulder
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) has placed a seagull on their list of anti-Semite extremists after the racist, white bird pooped on a Jewish man in what…
Politicians Promise To Flout All COVID Rules Again During Next Planned Lockdown
WASHINGTON-- With rumors circulating that Joe Biden has hinted at initiating another lockdown as the election gets closer, politicians have promised that after they quarantine the American people they will…
New Kevin McCarthy Talking Doll Is All Talk And No Action Just Like The Real Thing
U.S.-- A new talking doll is set to be released this Christmas modeled after Kevin McCarthy and the manufacturer says it's exactly like the real Republican House Speaker because the…
Bill Gates Promises His New GMO Mosquitos Are Just As Safe And Effective As His Vaccines
MEDINA, WASHINGTON-- After all the recent reports that the new genetically modified mosquitos Bill Gates had released in Florida and Texas have been causing people harm, the billionaire philanthropist set…
After Stealing Everything In San Francisco, Thieves Start Robbing Each Other
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- After stealing everything in San Francisco, thieves in The Golden City were left with the choice to either stop stealing or begin robbing other criminals, so they…
Alex Jones Says Mitch McConnell Didn’t Freeze, But Was Communicating Telepathically With Aliens
AUSTIN, TEXAS-- While the rest of the world believed that Mitch McConnell froze during a speech due to a medical disorder, popular radio show host Alex Jones said that everyone…
Worried U.S. Politicians Relieved After Hearing Hurricane Idalia Hit Florida Instead Of Ukraine
WASHINGTON-- Stress levels were at an all-time high for U.S. politicians after first reports were saying that Hurricane Idalia was headed toward Ukraine, but they were quickly relieved once they…
Ron DeSantis Sends Illegal Hurricane Idalia To Martha’s Vineyard
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA-- In order to avert another unlawful alien invasion, Governor Ron DeSantis ordered law enforcement to capture Hurricane Idalia as soon as it touched land in Florida and have…
