WASHINGTON– After taking a secret vote to remove Ohio Representative Jim Jordan from becoming the new speaker, a group of RINO Republicans were pleased to announce that they have found the perfect candidate and have nominated a real stereo speaker to become the next Speaker of the House of Representatives.
Head RINO Don Bacon gave an immediate press conference after the secret vote to let the American people know the good news that their voices were both heard and ignored by the politicians who are supposed to represent their best interests.
“Great news, America, we have totally ignored the will of the people,” said Rep. Bacon proudly as his fellow RINOs slapped each other high-fives. “Doing the opposite of what our voters want is a winning strategy because us politicians know what’s best. So when our constituents all said they wanted Jim Jordan as the next speaker we knew that Jordan had to go.”
Bacon said the stereo speaker is the perfect individual for the House Speaker job because it has a long track record of repeating all the best GOP talking points, only much louder and with more bass.
“The speaker also has a 3-year warranty in case it fails to repeat what we say,” said the Democrat posing as a Republican, explaining the benefits of the device. “It even comes with a remote control so we don’t even have to show up to Congress to screw over the American people.”
The fake Republicans said that if for some reason the stereo speaker fails to do its duties of pushing the America-last agenda then they’ll just vote to elect a Democrat.
