WASHINGTON– President Joe Biden has proved the naysayers wrong once again after showing off his energy and stamina by ringing in the New Year holiday licking his favorite ice cream cone four times and then falling asleep by 5 pm.
Mainstream media news outlets were abuzz on New Year’s Day praising the spry president’s uncanny ability to stay awake for so long and almost finish eating the ice cream before it had melted all over his suit jacket.
“President Joe Biden has the never-ending endurance that former President Trump only wish he had,” said MSNBC host Joe Scarborough as he flashed a photo of Biden asleep inside of the Oval Office bathroom. “Never in the history of politics has a president been so alert, awake, coherent, and energetic as Biden. At least not since the last Democrat that resided in the White House.”
The person who runs Biden’s social media accounts posted the breathtaking photo of the chocolate-covered president snoring inside of his bathroom to show the world that he is in fact fit and competent enough to serve as Commander-in-Chief for whenever World War 3 breaks out due to his stellar geopolitical policies and professional Ukraine money laundering operation.
“Happy Father’s Day, everyone,” said Biden after he woke up, referring to New Year’s Day. “As your Prime Minister of Canada, I am urging everyone to go out and get vaccinated or Santa might not leave you any gifts this Halloween.”
After one of his female aides informed him that it was New Year’s Day not Father’s Day, an incensed Biden immediately sniffed her hair and then urged Congress to send another $50 billion to Ukraine.
I’m surprised he made it till 5.