Pakistan Parliament Formally Annexes The UK As Its Newest Province
ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN-- In a historic parliamentary session that unanimously passed with thunderous applause, the Pakistani Parliament has voted unanimously to annex the United Kingdom, declaring it the country's newest province.…
Democrats Mass-Delete ‘I Stand With Ukraine’ Posts After Black Man Murders White Ukrainian Woman
U.S.-- In a stunning display of ideological gymnastics, thousands of Democrat politicians and activists have rushed to scrub their "I Stand With Ukraine" social media posts after a black man…
Mark Carney Condemns Church Arsonists For Not Using Eco-Friendly Matches
OTTAWA, CANADA- Prime Minister Mark Carney held an emergency press conference today to address the "egregious environmental assault" committed by arsonists who torched St. Mary’s Anglican Church in rural Alberta…
CNN Issues Apology For Accidentally Reporting A Black-On-White Crime
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - CNN issued an emergency statement late Friday apologizing profusely for "unintentionally" reporting a black-on-white crime earlier that evening. The network's 5 PM broadcast briefly mentioned a 32-year-old…
DC Liberal Outraged After Trump’s Military Crackdown Leaves Her Unmolested For 2nd Month Straight
WASHINGTON - Local resident and self-proclaimed "progressive liberal" Karen Jenkins, 32, expressed her deep frustration yesterday after realizing she had gone a full month without being mugged, assaulted, or even…
RFK Jr. Senate Hearing Abruptly Halted As Elizabeth Warren Awaits Pfizer Payoff
WASHINGTON-- In a shocking display of brazen corruption, today's RFK Jr. Senate hearing on pharmaceutical safety was brought to a sudden standstill when Democrat Senator Elizabeth Warren demanded a recess…
UK Police Arrest Baby For ‘Hate Crime’ After Crying At Immigrant Nurse
LONDON, UK-- In what is being hailed as a landmark victory for diversity and inclusion, a white British newborn baby was taken into custody by police mere hours after birth…
Canada AirBnB-Style ‘Breaking And Entering’ App Launches, Allowing Criminals To Pre-Book Home Invasions
TORONTO, CANADA - In a bizarre move to "de-escalate violence," the Canadian government has rolled out a revolutionary new app called "BreakIn.ca" - essentially an Airbnb for burglars. The platform…
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson Appoints Notorious Gang Member ‘Lil’ Slim Reaper’ As New Police Chief Amid Record Murder Rates
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - In a move that has left residents both bewildered and unsurprised, Mayor Brandon Johnson announced today that "Lil' Slim Reaper," a 32-year-old member of the notorious "Bloods…
Zelensky Holds Moment Of Silence For Cocaine Destroyed On Venezuelan Boat Trump Bombed
KIEV, UKRAINE- Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, visibly shaken and clutching a small white baggie, declared a national day of mourning today after learning of the tragic loss of a Venezuelan…
India Retaliates Against Trump’s Tariffs By Flooding White House With Scam Calls
WASHINGTON-- In a shocking escalation of the U.S.-India trade war, India has launched a coordinated cyberattack against President Donald Trump and the White House, flooding their phone lines with an…
Man Who Gave Chinese Spy Classified Information Confident She Was ‘The One’
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - In a tale of espionage wrapped in a love story, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) revealed yesterday that he handed over top-secret government documents to Chinese spy…
