U.S.– In a rare display of bipartisan unity, millions of Americans from coast to coast are fervently praying for the US government to finally shut down once and for all. The unprecedented plea comes as Republicans and Democrats engage in their latest round of theatrical brinkmanship over the federal budget, with the GOP accusing Democrats of plotting to shutter the government unless they agree to provide free healthcare to every illegal alien invader in the country.
Across the country, Americans are reportedly lighting candles, crossing their fingers, and quietly whispering prayers that Congress fails spectacularly to reach a deal.
“Oh my God, please let it happen this time,” said millions of people around the country. “Every time those geniuses in Washington ‘govern,’ they somehow manage to make our lives worse. They raise taxes, start wars, spy on us, and bail out their rich friends. So, honestly, the less they do, the better off we’ll be.”
Experts are calling this new sentiment “Government Fatigue Syndrome,” appearing to be the only truly bipartisan issue in America today. According to statistics, 99% of Americans believe a US government shutdown would be “a nice little break from all the governing,” with the other approximately 1% being politicians and other federal employees.
With the shutdown deadline getting closer, neighborhoods are planning “Shutdown Block Parties” due to the country being united for one of the first times in recent memory in the hopes that their elected officials will be unable to do absolutely anything at all.
