NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– Still suffering from PTSD from last year’s slightly sloped roof incident, Secret Service agents tasked with protecting President Donald Trump froze in terror Tuesday after the President became stuck on the third step of an escalator at the United Nations building. The agents were left scared and unable to muster the courage to ascend a “dangerously sloped” escalator to reach the President.
The incident occurred just as Trump was about to deliver a speech to the General Assembly, leaving the President and First Lady Melania alone and helpless as his agents huddled in the lobby, refusing to climb the stairs due to safety regulations.
“It was a matter of life, death, and an unfortunate angle of the escalator,” said a Secret Service spokesperson during a press conference. “Our highly-skilled agents have been trained for everything, well, everything but mildly sloped surfaces. We just can’t risk them getting hurt, not even for the president.”
The situation was eventually resolved when President Trump and First Lady Melania simply walked up the escalator stairs themselves while agents watched from a safe distance down on ground level.
The Secret Service issued a statement promising to have their agents undergo slope-desensitization training, including jumping over obese female agents hired under the Biden administration, as well as slowly walking up handicapped walkways.
